Relationship Coaching
Would you like to feel more closeness and intimacy in your family?
Are you weary of the on-going power struggle with your spouse or your children but don't know how to stop it? Would you like to be able to be open with your partner and ask for what you need?
Good news! A significant part of all relationships is communication. And good communication is a skill-set that can be learned. Learning a few simple communication skills can greatly improve any relationship.
We all start out in relationship with good intentions. I know I did, but marriage turned out to be a lot harder than I anticipated. I am so grateful I didn't give up on my marriage in the first decade. Instead of quitting, my husband and I got busy learning how to communicate with each other better. I had to learn face my fear of intimacy and discover how to move beyond it so that I could truly see the good man by my side. Today our 30-year marriage is thriving. Learning how to speak to one another, how to listen, and how to be on the same team has made all the difference for us. It will for you, too!
Relationship coaching is a great option for couples who want to enjoy more love and emotional safety. In coaching, we identify patterns that don't serve closeness and connection, and then we come up with ways to shift those patterns. You can move from blame and separation to understanding and connection. Love and affection can grow in a relationship where each person treats one another respectfully and with care.
I was once where you are now - my own story
I have been happily married to the same man for 30 years, and we are the parents of two grown children in their twenties. The journey through those three decades of partnership and child rearing was challenging! Our relationship today looks idyllic compared to 30 years ago, and it is! But it didn't happen by accident; it happened by intention.
Marriage and family is a trip - one worth making! I often tell people that being a parent and spouse has been the hardest and most fulfilling job I've ever had. It is just so full-time. It calls on me continuously - even to this day - to be in touch with and live from my best self. I struggled mightily with both marriage and parenting when our kids were little. I nearly gave up on our marriage after 7 years. But instead I used my own stubbornness to my advantage: I refused to quit. I dug in my heels and began to learn a few things about myself and how I show up in relationship... much of it difficult to come to terms with.
Over the years I learned about the obstacles to loving relationships. I learned that communicating and demanding are not the same thing. I learned that power-struggling with little children is just not a good idea, and power-struggling with my husband diminished us both. I felt scared to admit that I had needs. I realized that I felt afraid in all of my relationships, and this was causing me to be defensive, blaming, and controlling. I discovered that I didn't truly trust even my own entirely-trustworthy husband, the love of my life! I learned that I was afraid to fail at anything -- that it would mean I was a failure. I learned that fear was driving me in hidden ways and causing me to respond un-lovingly to my kids and husband, the people most important to me.
And I learned the way through all of these obstacles. I learned how to speak my needs so that others could hear me and respond. I learned how to communicate without attacking. I learned how to trust my husband and trust myself. I discovered that all human beings have needs and that's okay. I learned that my kids were just being kids, trying to get their needs met just like me. I learned that being defensive only keeps love away. I learned that blaming others is a sure-fire way to be lonely. As it turned out, failures along the way have been some of the best teachers I've had.
I learned much and came a long way. We made it through! Today our marriage is thriving and our grown children are happy and resourceful people. I am so grateful for my willingness to intentionally learn a few new skills that dramatically improved my experience of marriage and parenting.
Healthy relationship isn't rocket science. It can actually be learned. Don't settle for less!
